Tribute to Mom and Dad

Picture of my parents hours before they died.

Unlike my mother who excelled in school, my father was not a great student. In fact despite meeting mom at BYU he should never have been enrolled there. He was accepted because the school had accidentally been sent the wrong test scores, a fact my dad was actually pretty proud of. After all, it is one thing to get in somewhere; it is a whole different thing to do it when you weren’t supposed to. Typical Randy, he liked sneaking past policy. Despite working hard and having absolute confidence in his ability to become a top dentist he was not recommended as a candidate to interview with the dental schools that came to recruit at BYU. Following his heart and unfazed by the critics who told him he would never make it he spent his last dime flying to Texas and demanding an interview at Baylor. Mom had complete confidence as well and never questioned this decision. She was always his number one fan and biggest supporter. The trip was a success and provided them with experiences they would talk about for the rest of their lives.

With his acceptance to school came other challenges. Dad worked 2-3 jobs while going to school full time and spent every available moment with his family including holding Ryan and Brandi as babies while they slept and dad studied. Meanwhile, mom worked from home, managed the house, took care of two children and stayed up all hours helping dad study. As the wife of a student for the last eight years I can appreciate the teamwork this required. Come graduation my dad placed his cap on my mother’s head acknowledging she deserved the diploma as much as him. The gesture was meaningful enough that talking about it still made my mother cry just weeks ago as my father insisted my husband and I recreate it. With graduation came more uncertainty. Mom and dad struggled with the decision of where to establish a practice and raise their family. Dad was a simple farm boy from Utah and mom’s family was far from Provo, a distance made only greater by the international border that separated their families. While visiting Oregon during this time our father felt inspired to call the Stake President listed in the phone book. During their conversation President Papworth told my Father he wasn’t sure why but he felt strongly my parents were suppose to be in Oregon. Dad, felt the same way and with unwavering faith in our Loving Heavenly Father and his desire for us to be happy they followed this counsel and settled in this community over thirty years ago.

Once again Mom and Dad took a leap of faith and moved with their two young children to an area they hardly knew anything about. They began a humble dental practice where our mother was both the receptionist and the assistant and dad did his own hygiene because he couldn’t afford to pay a hygienist. Over the years the business grew and they became deeply involved in church, school and most of all their family as Myself, Dustin and Aubrey quickly completed the family in three short years. I always felt a special bond with my dad since he was the doctor who delivered me. He loved to write the same thing in my birthday cards generally followed with an apology for supposedly dropping me on my head. I am pretty sure he was joking. Dad taught us incredible work ethic and integrity as he strove to provide the very best dentistry he was capable of. His desire to improve his skills and continually keep up with technology meant he was always introducing revolutionary care and had recently completed enough continuing education to cover the next five years. He demanded excellence from his staff and expected perfection from himself. His success was due to his persistence for top-level care and an incredible staff, some of whom worked with him for nearly two decades. Mom was the glue behind the scenes; managing the office and creating an office family that included bring homemade meals for celebrations and shedding tears during times of Heartache. Whenever mom didn’t answer her phone we would call the office knowing we had a good chance of catching her there. If not, one of the girls would answer and recognizing our caller ID ask if we were looking for mom or wondering if Dad was with a patient. Often these conversations included catching up with each other as mom kept us caught up after we all moved away. Often they would know more about vacation plans or if my mom was already in town before I did. If she wasn’t there she was most likely getting her hair done or scanning for bargains at Ross’s or TJ’s.

Mom had studied interior design in college and had a flair for decorating on a budget. She could transform a room with less than fifty dollars if you were willing to spend three weeks in the stores looking through every item. Visiting her sister often meant countless hours at DI, decorating and hysterical laughter. Mom also loved to read and shared this with us from an early age. I remember being lined up in my parents bed with all of my siblings at the age of four as mom read Ann of Green Gables while we were recovering from chicken pox. She loved to take care of people and would stay up all hours talking with and getting to know our friends while serving us treats. She was also known to send us back to bed with a bowl of popcorn when we were little if we woke up late at night and she was making it for her and Dad. Mom went to every concert, performance or athletic event including cheering for her cheerleader. She was always happy to set an extra place at the table for friends and shared meals I still can’t cook quite the same despite the hundreds of Mid-cooking phone calls. I have fond memories of mom in her leggings and slippers making individualized lunches that continued through high school for us five kids and dad after she had been out walking with her friends. I was proud to catch myself becoming more like her as I canned her apple pie filling last summer in leggings.

Mom loved to water-ski and was a beautiful skier even last summer. Growing up she would even pull the boat up to the lake with five children for a day on the days dad was working or doing continuing education. She could drive a boat and more impressively she had won Dad over with her football game on their first date and the fact she could kick start his 1947 Harley Davidson when they were dating. A feat I watched him struggling with himself last summer. Mom also loved the winter Olympics and would set up the card table to do jigsaw puzzles or sew while watching figure skating or women’s gymnastics. She was an incredible seamstress who made bridesmaids dresses for three different weddings and several high school formals even if it meant combining three patterns and sewing you into your dress just as your date arrived. Her motto of better late than never and habit of procrastination to the point of panic are the only reasons I didn’t have her make my wedding dress. This last Christmas dad couldn’t wait to give her a clock that didn’t move pointed to the word “whatever”, he had resigned himself to the fact some things never change. Mom never spent a Christmas Eve without staying up all night, but she had a way of creating magic and spent months looking for the perfect gift. In fact, she was known for giving gifts beautifully wrapped with unique tags but having option ABC through Z in her closet. She also began looking for Christmas ornaments as early as February to add to the collection she began for each of us soon after they were married. Their first Christmas she had made salt-dough ornaments because they could didn’t own any and couldn’t afford any. Mom wanted to be sure we didn’t end up in the same situation, and tenderly gave us our collection as we married and moved away. My husband was shocked to see our first Christmas that I had no two ornaments the same as they each represented things we had done or accomplished that year and was shall we say, “less enthused”. However, it was something my siblings and I looked forward to each year and often saved it as the last gift to be opened. An ornament from mom will be dearly missed this December as they had such special significance.

Mom may never have realized though that the greatest gift was her Christ-like example. She set a standard so high I felt I could never measure up but her constant encouragement, testimony of the gospel and four years of prayers ensured I was able to experience the incredible joy of motherhood she had always felt. She gave me faith to overcome my fear and follow the Lord’s will. This enabled me to receive the greatest blessings of my life. I am grateful for the time we had to see them as grandparents even if all the rules were different. Despite being unable to mow the lawn or work without weekly visits to the massage therapist for the last fifteen years Dad happily wrestled with his grandchildren and even skimmer-boarded with them in Hawaii. When I dubiously asked if he would be able to walk the next day he simply said it didn't matter. Mom gave me a crash course when my son was born since I had previously never changed a diaper. I cherish the chance I have had to learn from her and will miss the chance to call when I need an ear to hear or someone to cry to. I will miss her poise, lipstick marks, Ross bargains, pocket-dials and most of all her sound advice. I will miss my father’s stories, our shared love of horses and his passion for dental and gospel discussions. I will never forgot dad’s enthusiasm to talk to anyone and everyone he met and the instant connection that left him feeling as though he had just made a new best friend as he planned vacation with someone he just met on an airplane.

Words can’t express the horrible shock and agony that accompanies the loss of our parents but because my parents taught their faith by living it I know that I can trust in god and still find greater happiness in this life than I could ever imagine. Mom and Dad understood, "it’s the journey not the destination". It was a beautiful ride, but the rides not over.